Things I did with food (as a child) that maybe I shouldn't have

I cooked frozen French Fries on the radiators whenever I was home alone.

I flushed a green grapefruit sized ball of dough down the toilet-I was playing with flour and water and food dye when I should have been doing homework I tried to hide the evidence but it clogged the toilet.

I chewed pretzels until they were a wet gummy mass in my mouth then I shaped the mass into a log and hid it behind my back. I'd stand in the doorway of my brothers room and I would pretend my stomach hurt, I'd make these horrible noises and dramatic straining motions then drop the cold wet chewed mushy pretzel log on the floor behind me, pick it up and eat it. This caused my brother¹ to immediately retch- on good days (I did this quite a bit) he'd even vomit.

¹My brother was in the Navy during the Gulf War. Worried sick for him and suddenly needing to clear my conscience just before he shipped out to Saudi Arabia, I called him and apologized for all the mean things I did to him when we were younger. We still laugh about that phone call.

(technically not food but did involve eating) I would eat handfuls of St. Josephs Aspirin for Children mixed with Flintstones Chewable Vitamins because they tasted so darn good.

I am the oldest by 5 and 8 years, so I often babysat my brothers, sometimes I made sandwiches for us:

• ketchup sandwich for me
• mayonnaise sandwich for the middle brother
• butter sandwich for the youngest brother
• all on Wonder Bread

We'd eat them sitting 4 inches away from the telly watching the 4:30 movie and drinking forbidden Coca~Cola.

I spit pumpkin pie at a boy in my first grade class. I was sent to the Principal for that little stunt. I've thought about this incident quite a bit over the years (maybe a bit too much). I'm sure at the time I couldn't give a reason why I did it, but I've come to the conclusion that whoever made that pie used way too much powdered ginger.

I'm sure there are many more things I did but they don't come to mind right now. I'll have to think harder, I'll be back.

Written by Deb on February 1, 2003 08:22 PM